Waddupp

Good morning people (:

It is Thursday April 8. Woot! Still on spring break, having a better time than usual since there’s no school! My brother left on Monday to go camping with my dad, and pretty much all of his friends and my mom knew, but I didn’t. I didn’t know he was going camping until Thursday until he had already left. No “bye Brie,” no “see you on Thursday,” nothing. He just left and didn’t even say bye, didn’t tell me where he was going! And over the course of the next three days until he did come back, I encountered every one else who DID know. I guess I’m just being sensitive I don’t know.

I’m at a friend’s house right now, but I have some free time. Rachel and I went to the mall with Pauly yesterday, probably the BEST mall trip ever, but it’s on the down low.. haha don’t ask whyyy. I’ve been thinking that I need to change things. For instance, my friend Max.. needs to be told to keep his hands to himself, especially towards me because I’m annoyed.

I’ve been realizing more and more how dependent I’ve become on my friends and I know that’s not right. I know I need to focus on God and put him first above all. I need to keep thinking, “Who am I putting first, them or God?” and fix it if I know I don’t have the right answer. I’ve been having a tough time as far as family goes, and friends have been leaving me too and I know I’ve drifted away from God. I’m working on it though. I’ve been praying more, getting back on track, asking God for help. I just need to get back into that habit, because that’ll be better than whatever I’m doing now to help things. I can do this. I’m not strong enough to do this alone, but God will give me the strength. God will give me the strength and the wisdom to continue on.

Keep me in your prayers (:

Brie

Here

This is my Lit assignment that I did in what.. 10 minutes perhaps? last night. It’s my failed attempt to write in the style of Fitzgerald, the author of The Great Gatsby. I thought I’d post something rather than nothing.

At last laying on her bed, her body ached for rest. Darkness took over the sky many hours ago, but time was lost to her. As her eyes shut, a look of peace and calm came over her face for a moment, and then were rudely interrupted by the blaring of music that was her alarm. Reluctant to leave the undisturbed and untroubled escape of sleep, she laid in her bed for just another minute. Fear of facing the consequences of shirking her responsibilities urged her to wake up. In a rush she gathered her books amidst the disarray that was her room and headed out the door to face the unexpected events of the new day.

Boring, sad.. i’ll probably get a B or C.. ohhh well. SPRING BREAK!

Hello, Again.

It’s been months since my last post, but for my friends’ sakes, and per their requests, I’m going to start again, and also because venting on here keeps me sane. I’m not even sure what’s on here so i’m opening myself up to you guys, i’m sorry if i kept something from you, but i’m letting you see it now.

Family issues are messing with my head, and that’s on top of all the normal teenage crap.. it’s just frustrating. I don’t know what to do. How to handle myself.

Today is just awful, it’s really hard dealing with losing friends, drunk friends, and all these things. . . I’m actually really upset right now, because i texted one of my friends, he’s drunk, told me to fuck off and he’s going to kill himself.. and i can’t do anything about it.. except tell his family, which is what i did, his sister’s gonna text me in the morning.. i’m praying he’s going to be ok..

and I’m frustrated with life! GTG do homework! BYEEE.

Better For You

I lie. A lot. Every time people ask how I’m doing, how I am..I lie. People don’t need to know how unhappy I am and no matter how hard they try, they probably won’t make me feel better. They just don’t need to know these things. Plus, I don’t like attention, so I don’t talk about myself that much. I just refrain from it as much as possible. I’m sorry if it makes you upset to know that I’m unhappy, that’s why I lie. It’s really for your benefit..so don’t be mad. I don’t like complaining all the time, so I shut up, don’t talk so much. Things are better for you that way. Just trust me.

Day After

It’s the day after my birthday.  One year older, but I don’t feel any different. I have no major reflections over the past year since my last birthday other than I’ve had a lot of trials thrown at me and I’ve come a long way. Let’s just hope I learned from my mistakes and I make better choices.

August 19, 2009

I’m.. mad, angry, frustrated..

Life is so confusing, so irritating.

I wish I wasn’t so jealous, I wish I was a better person.

I wish I could please people, I wish I could be who people wanted me to be.

I wish I didn’t disappoint people, or let them down or frustrate them.

I wish people took relationships as seriously as I do.

And loyalty. Another very important quality.

I hope my husband/boyfriend/whoever feels the same way about relationships as I do.

I hope God has that planned for me.

Not lots of relationships that tear my heart apart,

But someone I can trust with my life and my family’s lives.

Someone I can trust with everything.

Someone I can grow with, in age and in my spiritual life.

Someone I know will always be faithful to me,

Someone who wants to be with only me.

Someone who feels the same about me that I do about them.

I don’t think I know anyone like that right now,

But I pray I will. Always praying.

RETREAT..

Just got back from retreat a couple days ago and man.. it was tough.

It was the first time I had prayed in months.. so many months. This summer has been such a downward spiral, but i’m making a COMEBACK.

Live Love Die

I can’t take this right now, but it’s happening none the less. I can’t stop it. I can’t protect everyone. I can’t even protect myself. I don’t understand why it has to be this way, but it does.
Another promise has been broken. When will I completely fall apart? I’m not sure, but it’s gonna happen. It’s coming, I can feel it. I can’t take this anymore. I just want it all to stop.
“This is a disaster and I can’t get past her.
I’m breathing and I can’t feel a thing.
I need a cure for this disease.”
–In Fear and Faith, Live Love Die

Too Emotional My Butt.

“There’s two types of girls: one of them happens to be really emotional and get upset all the time over nothing. She’s that type so don’t worry about it.”

He doesn’t know. He does not understand me. He says he does, but don’t listen. He has no idea what he’s saying. He also says he won’t give up, but he will. He’ll never stop caring? Of course he will.

Why hasn’t he yet? It’s beyond my understanding. If I’m so frustrating, why not just give up? Stop caring. Go away, like I asked you to. Leave me alone. I do not want you here anymore.

I need to get over you. Don’t you understand that? Well accept it and listen to what I tell you to do.

Sure, you might care for the moment, but you won’t after a while. 

You don’t mean what you say, so don’t talk to me.

Tragedy?

What’s going on? I don’t know.

“How are you?” I hear it from everyone, everyday. What is my response? Depends if my mind is currently occupied with horrible things.

Fine. I don’t know. Tired. Whatever. Ask later. There’s a variety of answers.

Sleep. That’s all I ever want to do these days. What’s the point in doing anything else? Do I do anything else? Not really.

Read.. that’s usually how I spend my summers, not so much anymore. Too lazy I guess. Too lazy to even turn the pages.

What’s going on? What’s with the apathy and lethargy? I just don’t care and I have no desire to do anything. It’s taking all my effort to sit here and finish this post. I honestly am just not in the mood and it’s only out of sheer boredom that I’m doing this.

Update? I wonder when it’s all going to come crashing down. It’s starting to crumble, slowly getting worse and worse. Never getting better. Where is the light? Where’s the better day?

When will this tragedy be over? Will I lose before it ends?